


Candor and Mendacity

by Brilliant_But_Scary_Bad_Wolf



Category: Castle
Genre: F/M, I'm so mean to her, More angst, Torture, also some hurt/comfort, johanna beckett's case, of course, poor Kbecks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-14
Updated: 2012-10-06
Packaged: 2017-11-07 16:51:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/433334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brilliant_But_Scary_Bad_Wolf/pseuds/Brilliant_But_Scary_Bad_Wolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a relationship surrounded by lies, can Castle and Beckett start up a romance? They might not get a chance to find out when life interferes and Beckett goes missing. Caskett.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It had been a long and difficult case. They were both exhausted and hungry, and they had both saved each other's lives over the last week. The case had been the vicious rape and murder of a teenage girl, and had been far too close to home for Castle, who couldn't keep his mind off the redness of the victim's hair, and the closeness in age she shared to Alexis. After a tiring and relentless search they had finally cornered the guy, but he had drawn a gun on Castle, and Beckett had been forced to shoot home. The bullet had pierced his head. The scene had been messy, and both of their clothes were spotted with bloodstains.

So now they were both tired and raw, on edge, when they finally left the precinct at eight pm that night. They had only just made it out the door of the precinct when she grabbed his forearm and pulled him to her. She was looking at him uncertainly, so he decided to take the lead. He cupped her cheeks in his hands and drew her lips gently to his, providing her ample opportunity to escape if she so desired. She closed her eyes and lasted exactly four and a half seconds before she pulled out. She blinked rapidly and stumbled back several steps, trembling.

"I- I can't. I can't. I- I'm sorry. I'm just . . . I'm just not ready. I'm scared. I can't do this."

Castle took several steps toward her. "Kate. It's okay Kate. We'll take this as slow as you need. I promise I won't hurt you. Please just give me a chance."

"No," Beckett trembled. "No." She stumbled away again until her back hit the brick wall of the precinct. "You don't understand. I have to tell you. I can't . . . keep this to myself anymore. There's . . . I remember-"

"Remember what?" Castle asked.

"No, listen. My shooting. I remember . . . everything . . . that happened." She rubbed the center of her chest. "I remember what you told me . . . before I passed out. I lied."

It was Castle's turn to stumble, all the way into a bench, which he collapsed into, putting his head into his hands. Beckett started to take a tentative step toward him, but stopped and instead took one in the other direction. She glanced at him before looking at her own feet.

"I- I'm sorry," she muttered.

But simultaneously her expression turned rigid and she stopped showing those feelings that hurt so much. She turned from him and fled the scene at a fast-paced walk.

_____________________________________________________

She stopped at her usual takeout place, Sila Thai, on her way home. It was only a few blocks from her apartment, so it was delicious, cheap, and convenient. She wasn't really hungry but she hadn't eaten since morning, and new that she should at least have a few bites. The cashier recognized her the moment she opened the door.

"Detective Beckett! The usual?"

She nodded somberly and paid for her food before taking a seat to wait. The service was fast as usual, and she was soon heading out of the restaurant and cutting through the alleyway to take the shortcut home. She knew it was stupid, cutting through the dark and highly questionable alleyways, but it shortened her walk home by nearly ten minutes, and she always carried her gun anyways. Katherine Beckett could take care of herself.

But on this night her mind wandered to Rick Castle. Rick Castle who had kissed her. Whom she had kissed back. She longed to do it again, yet the thought of it terrified her. She had felt something deep inside her, and it scared the shit out of her. Not that it mattered. She wondered if he would ever even forgive her. She wouldn't blame him if he didn't. She had betrayed him, and he deserved better, deserved someone who wasn't so afraid to love him the way he deserved, and who would always be truthful with him. Some partner she was.

She was taken completely by surprise when the needle was jammed sharply into her side, and the plunger was pushed in all the way by the time she turned to face her attacker. She kicked the tall man in the side, knocking him down, and was going in for more when a thick, muscled arm wrapped itself tightly around her neck from behind, lifting her up and cutting off her airways.

She struggled for breath, gasping, but none came. She swung her legs at her second attacker but hit only air. She clawed at his burly arm, but he didn't even flinch. Again she tried desperately to bring air to her lungs, but none came, and her vision darkened. So she went limp in his arms, and then used his relaxed response to swing her head back hard into his face, smiling at the satisfactorily resounding crack of a broken nose. His grip loosened enough for her to drop to the ground, and she dispatched him with a sweeping kick at his ankles.

Then she turned to face her first attacker but was immediately met with his fist to her face, knocking her backwards. He drew a small knife, and she desperately raised her arm to block it. Redness and pain blossomed on her skin. She jumped to her feet and blocked his next swing with a round kick that knocked the weapon out of his hands. Her next kick, a spinning jump, was aimed at his head. Her attempt was halted mid-jump when he caught her foot, but her body's momentum pulled her around, twisting her ankle until she felt it crack. Fire raced through her. She was surprised when the second attacker caught her body before it hit the ground, and surprised again when she was roughly thrown against the wall of the alley. She felt her head slam into the brick and her body slide down the wall. There was nothing for it but to stand back up but her body disobeyed. Her legs wouldn't move. Neither would the rest of her body. She could only watch her attackers approach as blood dripped into her eyes and her vision blurred until there was nothing but darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are looking grim when the team discovers that Kate is missing.

When Castle’s alarm went off loudly at six am, he groaned, shut it off, and rolled over in his bed. Memories of last night’s conversation ran through his head, mixed with anger towards Beckett, and he gave in to the temptation of his warm bed. He would take the day off and figure out what to do about Beckett tomorrow. At this point, with the recent revelation currently on his tired mind, he wasn’t sure he could follow Beckett around anymore until she made up her mind. Following her with such uncertainty about where they stood only caused him pain. So he closed his eyes. 

He was woken again at seven by Alexis, on her way out the door for school.

“Dad?” She was shaking his shoulder. “Don’t you have to go soon? Beckett and the other detectives at the precinct will be wondering where you are!”

Castle grumbled and spoke in barely audible groans. “mmm staying home today.”

“But dad.” Alexis shook him again. “Shouldn’t you at least call Detective Beckett so she knows where you are? She’ll be worried about you.”

“Go to school Alexis,” Castle grumbled before rolling over guiltily.

He was relieved when Alexis gave up and left, and let out the breath he’d been holding when he heard the apartment door close and lock behind her. He was slightly ashamed that keeping Beckett out of the loop gave him a bit of angry pleasure. Maybe she would be worried about him. Serves her right. Maybe it would encourage her to decide how she felt about him. With that he once again rolled over and went back to sleep. 

Within the next two hours, he was woken several more times by his cell phone. Always Ryan or Esposito. He felt bad about ignoring their calls, but he really didn’t want to explain the situation to them. If Beckett was okay with sharing, which he was sure she wasn’t, then she could tell them. Castle knew he certainly wouldn’t.

When his buzzer rang at nine-thirty, he tried desperately to ignore it. But it rang again and again, and was soon followed by a set of furious knocking. Then he heard Esposito’s voice. It was loud enough to carry into his bedroom.

“Castle! If you’re in the there you’d better come open the door. I don’t know what the hell you and Beckett are playing at but if you don’t get your asses to the door in ten seconds I’m kicking it down!”

Castle frantically leapt out of bed and ran for the stairs. He tripped halfway down and rolled down the rest of them, hitting his funny bone painfully against the rail. He scrambled back to his feet and reached the door just as Esposito resumed his shouting.

“Okay that’s it! I’m coming in!

Castle opened the door to Esposito’s foot in his face. Thankfully it missed him, and Esposito quickly righted himself without help, and proceeded to look judgmentally at Castle’s pajamas, which just so happened to be his dinosaur footies. They were in fact quite warm and comfortable in the chilly January temperature.

Castle cleared his throat. “Yes?”

Esposito glared at him. “Where you been man?”

“Sleeping,” Castle answered as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

“You shoulda called us Castle. Beckett here?” He assumed.

Castle frowned. “No. Why’d you think that?”

Esposito shrugged. “Well you two were alone in the precinct when we left last night so we assumed . . . you know.”

Castle knew, but didn’t say so. “Know what?”

“Well . . . just you know, it’s about damn time for you two. Didn’t you leave together?”

Castle shook his head with a slight hint of anger. “No. I haven’t seen her since leaving the precinct.”

“Oh.” Esposito seemed disappointed. “We thought maybe she was with you.”

“Wait,” Castle’s frown deepened. “Why are you asking me about Beckett? Wasn’t she at the precinct with you guys?”

Esposito shook his head. “She never came to work this morning. We thought maybe she would just come in late- but is been almost two hours and she’s usually early.”

“That’s not like her.” Castle’s anger for Beckett dissipated in lieu of his newfound worry. “Did you check her apartment?”

“No,” Esposito responded. “Ryan and I were going there next. He’s waiting in the car. You coming?”

“Give me five minutes,” was Castle’s response.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five minutes later found them already in the car on their way to Beckett’s, and Castle on the phone with Lanie.

“She didn’t come to work, Lanie!” Castle plead. “She always comes to work. She would’ve at least called first. Are you sure you haven’t seen her?!”

“Castle I’m sure. Tell you what. She probably just slept through her alarm. She’s hasn’t slept much in a long time. But if you’re that worried I’ll meet you guys at her apartment. See if I can help you figure it out.”

“Thanks Lanie.” Castle hung up the phone, and nearly dropped it into his lap his hands were shaking so bad. Lanie was probably right. She had probably just slept through her alarm. But he couldn’t help being overly worried about Beckett. What if she was hurt or sick and couldn’t reach her phone? Or what if she’d been attacked? What if she was dead? He picked the phone back up and quickly touched the number two, speed dialing her cell. It just rang. And rang. And rang. And rang. Surely she was dead. If it were anything else she would’ve made it to the phone by now. 

The terror must have been obvious on his face because Ryan spoke up quickly.

“Castle man take it easy. She’s probably fine. Let’s just see what we find. We’re no good to her if we panic.”

It didn’t comfort Castle much but it did stop him shaking enough to be able to slide his phone back into place.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they reached Beckett’s apartment building Lanie was already waiting outside, following protocol that she wait for the guys with the guns to go first. But there was no telling her or Castle to wait outside while Ryan and Esposito searched the apartment.

It was empty. No one was there, not even Beckett, and yet there was no sign of disturbance or anything wrong or out of place. They had thoroughly cleared every room, ending up in her bedroom, and come up with absolutely nothing. Not a single clue to Beckett’s whereabouts.

“Maybe she just had to get out of town,” Ryan suggested.

“No.” Castle shook his head. “She would have told someone first.”

Ryan shrugged as though he hadn’t even believed himself.

“Besides,” Castle continued. “I don’t think she even made it home last night.”

“How can you tell?” Esposito asked.

“Nothing’s out of place.”

“Yeah but Beckett’s a control freak,” Esposito explained. “She has to have everything neat and in its place.”

“Yeah but look.” Castle pulled out the hamper of dirty laundry. “She was wearing black pants, and a blue turtle neck yesterday. Neither is here. And she wouldn’t have done anything else with them unless they were stained, which they weren’t.”

“The newspaper,” exclaimed Ryan. “It was a few feet away so I just figured that it was the neighbor’s but I bet it was Beckett’s. She never picked it up this morning.”

“Let’s find out.” Esposito’s face was grim as he lead the way out of the apartment.

“Are you okay?” Castle asked Lanie, who’d been still and silent since meeting them outside.

“No,” she answered honestly. “Kate’s missing and if she ends up on my table I don’t know what I’ll do.”

He set his hand on her shoulder for a moment, comforting, before taking off after the detectives. He reached them just as the neighbor opened his door.

“Sir is this your newspaper?” Esposito asked?

“Uhh yeah,” the neighbor answered warily.

“NYPD.” Esposito showed his badge.

“Do you know who lives next door?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah it’s that police lady. Real quiet woman but always nice when I see her. Which isn’t very often.”

“Have you seen her in the past day?” Esposito asked. “Do you know if she came home last night?”

“Nope,” the neighbor answered. “Didn’t see her. Not sure if she came home. Although actually, now that I think of it, I didn’t hear the noise last night.”

“What noise?!” Ryan demanded.

“Well it’s the creak. Probably some kind of drawer of door or something but for the past few months I’ve heard it consistently every night she’s been home. Pretty late at night I hear it creak open and closed and then I hear it again real early in the morning. I didn’t hear the creak at all last night or this morning.”

“Thanks,” Esposito responded, but Lanie was already running back to Beckett’s apartment, so they followed quickly.

“The drawer,” Lanie shouted. “She told me her drawer was creaking and she wanted to get it fixed.”

“Which drawer?” Esposito asked.

“This one.” 

They ended up in Beckett’s bedroom where Lanie opened up a small drawer in the bedside stand.

“It’s where she keeps the necklace and the watch. She always wears them and always takes them off to sleep,” Lanie explained. “She did not come home last night.”

“Well then where is she?” Castle asked, frustrated.

“What time did she leave the precinct last night?” Esposito asked Castle.

“Uhh it was around eight I think.”

“You think?” Esposito growled.

“I had something on my mind!” Castle defended.

“Okay focus,” Ryan intervened. “Had she eaten dinner?”

Castle shook his head. “No.”

“Yeah but Beckett isn’t exactly a consistent eater,” Esposito mentioned.

“But she hadn’t eaten lunch,” Castle insisted. “And the only breakfast she had was the bearclaw I brought her. Beckett doesn’t take good care of herself but she wouldn’t let herself starve.”

“Okay so she would’ve needed something to eat,” Ryan concluded. “Maybe she was going to cook?”

Lanie raised her eyebrows, led them to the kitchen, and opened the fridge. “Plus it was already eight and she was tired.”

“Okay point taken,” said Ryan. “So order in? Or eat out?”

“Wait!” Lanie exclaimed. “Earlier in the day she asked me to dinner. She cancelled later but maybe she went to the same place for takeout. It’s one of her favorites and they don’t deliver.”

“Where?” Esposito asked gruffly.

Minutes later they were pulling up outside Sila Thai and rushing into the restaurant. Castle approached the woman at the register and held up his phone, showing the picture of Beckett.

“Have you seen this woman?” He asked urgently. “Was she in here yesterday?”

“Detective Beckett?” The young woman asked. “Yes she was in here around eight-thirty last night. She looked very tired and pretty upset. But she ordered her regular food and then left through the shortcut she takes.”

“What shortcut?” asked Ryan.

“Back there,” the woman pointed through the windows to the left of the restaurant. “She cuts through the back alleys to get to her apartment faster.”

“Thank you,” Castle shouted back at her as they raced out of the restaurant and into the alley.

They were running so fast they almost missed it. In fact all three men did miss it, and were rounding a corner into another alley when Lanie shouted.

“Stop!”

“What is it?” Ryan asked as they quickly made their way over to where Lanie was bent over the ground.

She looked up at them grimly. “Blood.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I haven't updated in forever. And I actually had several more chapters already written, but I didn't want to post more until I got over my (very long) writer's block, but now I've begun writing again, so here you go! Please let me know what you think of it!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team investigate Beckett's disappearance, Kate tries to figure out what's happened to her.

There was a lot of blood. And it was all over the alleyway. In spatters all over and even pooling in a couple of places.

Lanie agreed it was a lot of blood. "That could be dangerous," she informed them. "Whoever that belongs to needs medical treatment before they lose too much."

With that information, Castle staggered back away from the scene and slid to the ground several yards away. Time and thoughts blurred as Ryan and Esposito examined the scene with Lanie, and CSU arrived. Eventually- he wasn't sure if it had been hours or just a few minutes- Lanie came over to sit with him.

"Castle?" She asked.

He remained silent, and fixated on the puddles of blood.

"Castle, you okay?"

"Maybe it's not hers," he mused desperately.

Lanie shrugged. "Might not be. Kate's a fighter, whoever attacked her couldn't have done it unscathed. But we won't know for sure until we hear back from the lab. They'll put a rush on the DNA, since it's one of NYPD's own, but it could be a day or two."

"Maybe." Castle tried again. "Maybe she wasn't even here. This could have been anyone. Maybe it happened after she passed through. Maybe she's just visiting relatives and forgot to tell the Captain."

"What relatives?" Lanie frowned. "Look Castle you know I hate this as much as you do. She's my friend. But she was definitely here for whatever went down. That bag of takeout . . ." She nodded at the brown bag, its contents strewn across the ground. "That's the same meal she orders every time she goes to this restaurant."

"Yeah but maybe she just dropped it. Or someone else could have ordered it too."

"Castle."

He slumped over even more than he had been before and stared at the ground, closing his eyes as if that would make it all disappear. The panic was coming now, full blast. Kate was missing. Gone. Taken. Probably bleeding out somewhere dying or being hurt. Or already dead. Chaotic images of her body, covered in blood flashed through his mind, searing into his memory. He saw only red and lost ability to function.

And it was all his fault. He had let her walk away. Sure her words had injured him. But he of all people knew she was fragile. Knew that if he said nothing, she would just give up and walk away, never looking back. But he had said nothing anyways. He had let his anger get the better of him, and now she was probably dead because of him. Or maybe if he had just run after her. Granted her forgiveness and begged her to give him a chance. Maybe then they would've gone out together. Or she would have come home with him. At the very least he would have been with her, protecting her. Maybe it would have been his blood instead of hers. He would have preferred that, preferred anything to this horrid display of red which could mean her death.

He hadn't even noticed Lanie leave him until she came back over and called his name.

"Castle!" She had to shout to get his attention.

"What?" he asked detachedly.

"Castle snap out of it!" She looked down at him from above and glared at him. "You're no help and if you stay like this then Esposito will send you home. Beckett needs you. You've gotta focus or get out of the way."

"What if she's dead?" He asked morosely. "What if she's dying?"

"That's my point," said Lanie exasperatedly. "She could be dying and she needs you to give it your all. And fast. She doesn't need you to mope around like she's already dead."

"But she might be already dead."

"No." Lanie shook her head. "I don't think so. If she was dead they would've left her body. Plus there's this." She held up an empty syringe. "There are traces of Propofol in this. It's a general anesthetic. Usually used in medical procedures. But if they used this it means they wanted her alive."

_______________________________________________________________________________

 

When Kate woke, she was surprised to find she was able to move, but then regretted the movement immediately as spikes of pain passed through her head and body. She curled into herself to get through the wave of agony. After a few minutes, she was able to compartmentalize the pain and began to examine her situation. The first thing she noticed was that she couldn't see a thing. It was pitch black, not even a crack of light from a door or window. She moved a hand in front of her face to see if she could make it out – she couldn't- but was distracted by the fact that it was cuffed to her other wrist. She felt the cuffs, and groaned when she realized they were her own. She had always been careful to check that her cuffs were secure and impossible to escape without the key.

From the sharp, cold sting on both of her ankles, Kate knew that she was cuffed there too, but with thicker, wider, and heavier cuffs. She shifted her feet and found by the rattling sound that those cuffs, though connected to each other, were also attached to several feet of chain. Through this movement, she discerned by the agonizing pain in her right ankle that it was sprained at the very least, and most likely broken. There was tightness around her throat. She recalled her attacker's thick, muscled armed wrapped tightly around it, choking the breath out of her. There are certainly bruises on her throat and windpipe.

Another memory of a knife flashing before her, and cutting deep into her forearm. She feels the violated area, which is sore and warm to the touch, but dry and stitched over. Her head too is pounding, and she remembers the pounding it took on her assailants' fists, and the alley's wall, remembers the warm blood dripping into her eyes. Her hands move past a painful bruise on her left cheek to find where that injury must be (on the right side of her head), and she finds stitches there too. Yet they left her ankle untreated and unset. Probably to keep her from trying to get away.

The stitches put fear in her. Obviously they need her alive and in somewhat decent health, which tells her this isn't about ransom or even revenge, it's about information. And the way to get information? Torture. She shivers and realizes that it's not just from fear, but it's actually pretty cold in this room, wherever it is. Not so cold as to cause immediate danger of death like in the freezer with Castle, but enough to make her pretty uncomfortable, and worried about her captors' goals.

The idea of freezing brought her thoughts back again to Castle, and she quickly felt as crappy mentally as she did physically. He would probably never talk to her again, and it was completely her fault. She deserved it. She had betrayed his trust, even when they both knew how they felt about each other. If she just hadn't told him the truth, they probably would've gone home together, maybe even admitted their feeling aloud. But, she realizes, she had known that. In fact that was why she had revealed the truth to him, knowing that he would be angry at her for it.

Better to admit her lies than to admit her fear. Her fear of making herself vulnerable, dependent, of putting her complete love and trust in one man who could so easily take that love and trust, and tear what was left of her heart in half. She'd never been so completely open to another man before, or another person for that matter. Not since . . . not since her mother. Not since the person she had loved most in the world had been taken from her, and her heart ripped into little pieces. Not since the person she had loved second most in the world had betrayed her, left her for the drink for years of his life before coming back to her a stranger and tentative friend, but never again a father. She had trusted Montgomery. She couldn't afford to trust anyone else.

So she had thrown up a barbed wall, and driven away one of her only friends. And run. She'd always known he was too good to be true. It wasn't like she really deserved any of her friends anyways. She always made them do all the work, never reached out. Lanie was always the one to ask her to dinner, Ryan and Esposito always the ones to invite her for a drink.

She was startled out of her thoughts by a freezing, high pressured spray of water, coming from the ceiling above and raining down all over her body. It ended almost abruptly as it had started, and she was left shivering in the dark. By her soaked bare skin, she realized how little clothing she was wearing. Only undergarments. The short but intense spray had soaked those through. She wondered vaguely if the shower had covered the entire room, or just her, and came to be aware of the fact that she had no idea where she was or what kind of room she was in.

So she explored. Very slowly, painfully, and carefully due to her injuries, and she didn't get very far due to the chains which connected her ankles to the wall. Her search didn't reveal much either. The cement floor was cold, damp, and bare, as were the walls. She didn't find any other kind of fixture. Not a light switch or a staircase or a door, or even a flood drain. Nothing she could use.

She felt alone. The immense loneliness was only compounded by the absolute silence, broken only by her soft breaths and the occasional rattle of her chains. Either she was way underground, somewhere completely unpopulated, or the room she was in was soundproof. So screaming wouldn't help her. She tried anyways. In response she heard only her scream, echoing off the walls of her prison. She slumped back into a seated position against the wall and closed her eyes. There was nothing for it but to rest up, give her body a chance to heal.

She was finally drifting off when cold water pounded onto her. Again. Sprayed from the ceiling above and jerking her back into awareness. Sleep deprivation. Great. She guessed the spray would happen every half hour or so, ensuring her constant consciousness. She shivered in the damp cold as the shower ended and curled back into the wall, waiting and trying to prepare for what was to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! Please let me know what you think of it, and tell me if there's anything I can do to improve it! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team follows up a lead, Beckett starts hallucinating.

The Precinct was chaotic. Cops didn't like it when one of their own was in danger, and often pulled out all the stops to fix the problem. Even Gates hadn't protested, despite the fact that it was homicide unit investigating the capture of one of its own. Unfortunately, there wasn't really much to grow on. At least not until the DNA results came back. They had checked the abandoned syringe for prints but found none. So late afternoon found them Castle, Ryan, Esposito, and a couple of uniforms sitting around the conference room table, pouring through Beckett's case files, hoping for some past grudge to pan out. No luck so far. There had been some files with probable suspects who held grudges against Beckett, but they were all either in prison, or dead. Not to mention, most of them would've just wanted Beckett dead.

None of them had eaten lunch yet, they were too focused on the case, and too upset about Beckett to really care about their growing hunger.

"What about her mother's case?" Esposito suggested.

Ryan nodded. "They've tried to kill her before. What's stopping them now?"

"Yeah," Castle admitted. "But why wait until now? It's been months since the shooting and they've had ample opportunity. Why not strike when she was still recovering and most vulnerable? Plus they didn't just kill her. They abducted her." Castle didn't mention the other reason he knew Beckett was supposed to be safe from her mother's killer as long as she wasn't investigating it. And Castle was sure she wasn't.

Esposito sighed. "Yeah. Still it's worth consideration."

Castle shrugged and they went back to the files.

Evening was setting in when Ryan finally spoke up.

"I've got something."

Castle wasn't the only one to immediately drop his current file and focus all his attentions on the youngest detective.

"Well," Esposito urged.

"Forester Tam. Beckett helped put him away for pandering after an undercover setup she helped run while in vice. He lost his family and his freedom. Guy blamed her for ruining his life, threatened her in court, said he was going to make her pay. He got out on parole two weeks ago."

"You got an address?" Esposito demanded?"

"The Bronx."

"Let's go," Esposito ordered, and they all leapt to their feet.

Castle could swear that half of the twelfth was parked down the street from Tam's apartment building, ready for a takedown. None of them even bothered telling him to wait outside as they ran quietly up the stair to the room number given in the address. Guns drawn, they surrounded the room, and Esposito pounded on the door.

"Forester Tam! Open up! Police!"

There was no response, so Esposito was preparing to kick down the door when it opened to a middle aged man.

"Hands in the air!" Ryan shouted.

Tam did as directed while most of the officers present searched his apartment while Castle, Ryan, and Esposito stayed to question Tam in the hallway.

Five minutes later found them dejectedly leaving the apartment. Tam was crazy. Genuinely, certifiably insane, no doubt about it. There was no way he could have taken Beckett.  
_________________________________________________________

She had been in the room for almost exactly 25 hours -she knew by the showers every half hour- before the dreaming started. Or rather hallucinations or daydreams, since she couldn't actually ever get to sleep despite her many exhausted attempts. But she wasn't crazy. Definitely wasn't crazy. She was just really, incredibly tired- around 40 hours without sleep would do that to anyone. So she was daydreaming. Or lucid dreaming. But not hallucinations, because that would mean she was crazy.

It was only fitting that her mother came to her first. Her mother who had always been with her, lurking in the back of her mind, waiting to jump onto her emotions and crash roughly into her wall, contained inside.

Yet somehow mother was here. Standing above Kate like an angel in white, beautiful as always and smiling down at her. Kate felt the waves of emotion crashing harshly and repeatedly against the wall within her, and wanted to cry. But she didn't cry, after all, her mother was finally with her. Wasn't that what she'd been dreaming of for the last thirteen years? For her mother just to be with her, by her side.

"Mom?" Kate questioned tentatively.

Johanna Beckett's smile widened. "Katie." She held her arms out for her daughter, offering a loving, comforting hug.

And then Kate Beckett did cry. Tears sprang to her eyes immediately and she pulled herself to her feet, ignoring the pain in her injured ankle, not caring. She wouldn't care if she were dying right now, would still push through whatever injury and pain just to reach for her mother, and gain comfort in her arms. At least she would die happy. So she took several quick step towards her mother and then took one last leap in order to close the distance faster. She was halted in midair when the chains pulled painfully on her ankles, and yanked her back to the floor, still several feet away from Johanna. Kate landed roughly on the floor, face down.

"Mother?" Kate looked up at her questioningly.

Johanna smiled sadly and shrugged, shaking her head. Clearly she couldn't help to close the distance. So Kate went to work on the ankle cuffs. First she tried to pick the lock with nothing but her forefinger and nail. It wasn't long before her finger was a bloody mess, and she knew it would be impossible to pick the lock without any tools. She checked her neck. Perhaps her mother's ring- but it's gone. Whoever it is that has her has taken it.

Her already broken heart cracked open with new wounds. She felt a deep chasm open wider, with her inside and no visible way to climb out despite her desperate attempts to claw her way up. Panic gripped her harshly and took hold and she couldn't breathe; she couldn't even move, frozen, certain that by the end of this ordeal she'll have no heart left to hurt.

Anger and desperation took hold. Through blinding sobs, she lifted her legs and banged her ankles against the floor as hard as she could, hoping that sheer force would do the trick. Instead it just hurt. A lot. But she did it again anyways. And again. And again. And again. She kept going until her heard her mother's soothing voice.

"Katie."

She froze and looked up to see that her mother was crying.

Though her sobs stopped, quieter tears sprang to her eyes instead, a mixture of pain overwhelmed by pure sorrow at seeing this image of her mother crying. She glanced away to get the image out of her mind, and saw only then that both of her ankles were bleeding. The already injured right ankle was jutting out at an odd angle, with a white sliver of bone peeking out. Just looking at it made her shudder in pain until she was again distracted by her mother's voice.

"Katie," she called through tears. "You're so beautiful love. I'm so proud of you. You never should have doubted yourself. I told you so," she said with a smile.

At this Kate truly lost it. For this must surely be her mother in truth. No one else would say such a thing in this terrible situation. The cold spray of water o f course interrupted her thoughts, and when the water was gone, so her mother went with it.

Kate sighed.

She is NOT crazy.

Either way, now she was left alone, lying on the cement floor in the dark, tears streaming down her face, damp, shivering, and trembling with cold and pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? Whaddya think? Did you catch my reference?
> 
> P.S. Constructive criticism is always welcome! :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team frantically searches for a trace of Beckett; Kate's hallucinations take a masochistic turn.

CHAPTER FIVE

They had all fallen asleep on the files in the conference room when the door slammed, waking them abruptly and causing Castle to startle so harshly he nearly fell out of his chair. He quickly righted himself and stood with Ryan and Esposito to greet Lanie at the door. She looked grim.

"What is it?" Castle asked nervously.

Lanie sighed. "Bloodwork's in."

Castle sank back into his chair, while both detectives bounced on their toes anxiously, wanting to act, to be doing something useful. Castle knew the feeling.

"And?" Ryan pressed.

Lanie handed him the file. "There were two DNA types. One of them's Beckett's. We're running the other through all the databases."

"A lead." Esposito nodded. "That's good at least."

"Javi." She took his hand, forgetting past conflicts. "Most of it was Beckett's. She's lost a lot of blood. If she goes without medical care-"

Castle interrupted and rose to his feet. "We'll just have to find her soon."

Lanie gave her a look. "You better." And then she left them to it.

"Anything new pop up in the files?" Castle asked.

"Nah." Esposito shook his head. "A few possibilities here and there. But we ruled them all out except . . ." he cut himself off and glanced at Ryan, who quickly took up the sentence.

"Except maybe the 3XK. He's still a possibility since he's holding a grudge against all of us. Except she's not his type, and this isn't his MO. I don't think it's him."

"Still we have to keep considering all possibilities," Esposito continued.

Castle sighed. "Well I guess we'll just have to keep checking the files."

They all went back to their ever-shrinking piles of case files. It wasn't much later when all three had closed off the rest of their files, Ryan being the last of them to finish.

"Nothing," he announced, standing as he flopped the file shut lazily and dejectedly.

Esposito growled in frustration, pounded his fist on the table, stood, and left the room, the door slamming angrily behind him. Castle froze in his seat, and Ryan stood in place uncomfortably. After a moment, the detective chased after his partner, leaving Castle to his own misery.

Ryan found Esposito going at it with the punching bag, giving it a thorough beating.

"Javi?" Ryan stopped several feet away.

Esposito just punched harder, breaking open knuckles- he should have been wearing some kind of protection, but Ryan knew better than to say anything about that. Instead he went around his fuming partner, and held the bag steady for him while he raged. They remained silent, and a mixed sound of grunts and whacks to the bag reverberated across the room.

Finally, Esposito's energized anger dissipated, turning into a calmer despair, and he backed away from the bag and slid down against the wall. Ryan fetched a clean, wet rag and a first aid kit before kneeling next to him. He said nothing while he cleaned the blood off of his friend's knuckles.

"How do you do it?" Esposito asked. "How can you stay so calm when Beckett could be . . ."

Ryan looked up at him. "Jenny helps. You should have seen me on the phone with her this morning. I was an absolute mess man. She helped calm me down and talk me through it."

They sat in silence as Ryan disinfected and bandaged Esposito's knuckles, mutually agreeing without speaking that they would never bring up this short conversation again.

Upon returning to the squad room, they found Castle slumped over in his chair beside Beckett's desk, gazing morosely at her empty one. A phone rang out and Ryan picked it up while Esposito just watched Castle, staring as the writer fumbled around sadly with one of the elephants which Beckett had been keeping on her desk for a while now. Esposito wondered about their meaning. Wondered where she had gotten them. Perhaps now he would never know, since chances of finding her alive this long after her abduction were growing slimmer and slimmer by every hour that passed, by every hour in which they found nothing of value or importance, nothing to help them find her. Esposito didn't notice Ryan hang up until he heard the younger man's voice right up next to his ear, speaking quickly and quietly.

"Castle," he snapped after Ryan had finished talking. "We've got a DNA match."

_______________________________________________________

When the next hallucination- vision, dream, whatever- came, Kate was seated against the cold, cement wall, knees bent to her chest with her head resting on them, and her arms wrapped around them. She supposed she probably shouldn't be surprised by his presence in her prison, considering how she felt about him, but she was nonetheless.

He was sitting against the wall to her left, legs straight out in front of him. Not for the first time she wondered how she could even see these hallucinations in the pitch black darkness of the room, but then again, she realized, they were hallucinations.

Richard Castle was uncharacteristically quiet. Though maybe that was because he was merely a piece of herself right now, and she's never been the most talkative of people. She didn't know that she really even wanted to talk to him anyways, for while she did need to have a talk with Richard Castle, this was only a vision, and she certainly didn't want to have the needed conversation twice. Of course, on the other hand, at this rate she was going to die of dehydration long before she would get the chance to talk with Castle. The last time she'd had anything to drink was at the precinct almost two days ago. It had been even longer since sleep or food. Her stomach hurt so badly that it was only superseded by her constant headache and the continuing agony of her broken ankle.

"You lied to me."

Kate's head swung up upon hearing his voice.

"I waited for you and you lied to me anyways."

"I-" Kate began, some random excuse on the tip of her tongue before her own mind's projection of Richard Castle interrupted her.

"I put my life on the line for you, case after case, and you still lied to me. It could be me here instead of you, me here dying in your place because you're so much of a coward that you would put me in danger without even telling me the truth."

Kate felt tears dampen her cheeks and said nothing.

"Are you so much of a coward that you would lie to me, keep me away because you know I'll leave you? Like Will did? Yet you let me stay close enough that you'll probably get me killed, you'll lose me anyways. Like your mom. And Montgomery. And then you'll truly be alone, because you don't let any of the rest of them close enough to see you, not really, not even your father."

The silent tears were streaming now, and she didn't even react when the semi-hourly shower poured harshly down over the two of them, the cop and her hallucination.

"And then Alexis will be fatherless and alone, just as you are motherless and alone. And it will be your fault. It will be your fault as if you had stuck the knife in yourself, just like the man who murdered your mother."

And suddenly he was gone, leaving her alone in her quiet yet ample tears. The psychological pain she had just inflicted on herself rendered the physical pain irrelevant, so she pounded her mangled ankle on the ground, hoping the physical agony would return to its reign over that which was in her mind. No such luck. Instead it just added to her overall discomfort.

He was right of course. Or rather, she was right. Whomever. She was going to get him killed. She didn't have to let him follow her, yet she did anyways for her own selfish desires, and put him in danger on almost a daily basis. Always so selfish she was. It was time to put her own wishes behind her. What was she thinking? He actually had family. A mother and a daughter. She was taking him away from the people who really mattered to him, and all for her own narcissistic pleasures. If she got out of here alive, she knew she would have to make it stop, make him see what a danger she was to him. If he stayed close, he would surely share them same fate as all those before him. With that resolution she was able to relax against the wall, laying her head back on it, and wait for the next punishment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, my new chapter takes forever. Sorry. :/ Anyways there's not much to say, so enjoy!!
> 
> P.S. Isn't season 5 absolutely amazing so far!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> so yup. Leave me a comment! Constructive criticism is welcome as well!!


End file.
